routines: what they are, why they matter & how to build them

When we talk about “routine” in the context of neurodivergence, we’re not talking about rigid schedules or perfectly color-coded calendars (unless that’s your thing - in which case, please teach us your ways).

Here, routine means building predictability into your day so the world feels a little less chaotic and like there’s finally some steady ground under your feet. This predictability isn’t just about being organized - it’s a signal of safety for your nervous system. When your brain can trust what’s coming next, it doesn’t have to burn energy staying on high alert for surprises. That frees up bandwidth for connection, creativity, and all the stuff that matters to you.

For our brains that already have a lot going on, routines help offload decision fatigue, make transitions less disorienting, and make it easier to follow through on habits. Think of a routines like less of a to-do list and more of a built-in support system, something that helps cushion the rough edges of our daily life, especially when it comes to executive functioning, sensory input, and energy management.

Executive Functioning

Many neurodivergent adults experience challenges with executive functioning - planning, starting, organizing and stacking actions to complete a task. Routines take the pressure off having to plan every moment. They create “defaults” that conserve cognitive energy.

With a routine in place, the next step becomes automatic. Without those automatics, every choice turns into a fresh decision, and that can quickly lead to analysis paralysis. Even small things - like what to eat, what to wear, or how to spend a Saturday—can start to feel overwhelming.

Sensory Regulation, Emotional Predictability, and Energy Management

Predictability doesn’t just make life more organized, it makes it easier to stay regulated. When your system knows what’s coming, it’s less likely to get thrown into sensory overload or emotional whiplash. You keep more energy in the tank for things you actually want to spend it on.

Routine can act like a buffer: softening sensory spikes, giving your emotions a more stable baseline, and helping you move through the day without constantly tripping your internal alarm.

Creating Routines That Can Move With You

Routines work best when they’re steady enough to anchor you and flexible enough to adapt when life shifts. The goal isn’t to cling to a perfect sequence of steps - it’s to build patterns that protect your energy, reduce decision fatigue, and still leave room for change.

Predictability often fuels our intrinsic, internal motivation by making a habit feel natural and automatic. But over time, too much sameness can make routines lose their spark. 

Like.. great, our brains love some nuance! (laying on some heavy sarcasm here) 

So how in the heck do we build a flexible routine that works for our life?

Start Small: One Routine at a Time

When we’re ready to get back into routines, it’s tempting to want them all up and running at once. But rebuilding everything at the same time is like trying to carry all the groceries in one trip — it usually ends with something getting dropped.

Pick just one routine to start with. Choose the one that either meets your biggest current need or feels the easiest to stick with right now. That might be a morning routine, a wind-down routine, or something tied to a specific part of your day like after work or before bed.

If you’re coming back from a season with little structure, don’t expect to jump straight into the version of the routine you had at your peak. If bedtime has been creeping later and later, start by setting one realistic anchor point — like turning off screens by a certain time — and build from there.

A helpful way to make that first routine stick is habit stacking: attaching your new step to something you already do without thinking about it. For example, if you want to stretch more often, pair it with your coffee brewing in the morning. If you want to review your to-do list each day, do it right after you close your laptop from work.

The smaller and more specific you start, the easier it is for your brain to turn it into an automatic pattern — and the more likely it is to stick long-term.

Realistic Expectations & Skeleton Routines

When it comes to routines, “all or nothing” thinking is the fastest way to burn out. A skeleton routine is your bare-minimum version — the simple framework you can show up for even on low-energy days.

Think of it as the scaffolding that holds your routine in place while you rebuild or adjust. For example:

• Workout routine: Instead of expecting a full gym session, your skeleton version might be putting on workout clothes and just getting yourself there. The win comes from walking in the door — not walking out dripping.
• Nighttime routine: It could be as simple as turning off the TV by a certain time and getting into bed. You might still be scrolling once you’re there, but that can be something you target once this first step feels easier.
• Meal routine: If you’re going out to eat most days, maybe the goal is one easy meal at home - and heck yes, it can come from the frozen aisle. Or if you want to meal prep each week but keep getting stuck on the grocery list, start by creating space for that step and work up to actually getting to the store next.

Skeleton routines give you a consistent rhythm without demanding perfection. On days you have more time, energy, or focus, you can layer in the next step. On harder days, you can still keep the core in place without feeling like you’ve “failed.”

Energy Check-In Before You Start

Before you overhaul your mornings, evenings, or anything in between, pause and check in with your energy. If your tank is already running low, even the best routine plan is going to feel like a weight.

When energy is low, the cognitive domain -  planning, problem-solving, remembering steps — can be especially hard to jump-start. That’s when it helps to step back and check your emotional, social, and biological domains too. Do you have the emotional bandwidth? The social support? Is your body getting the rest, nourishment, and movement it needs? If those pieces aren’t in place, you may not have the spoons to create (or restart) a routine just yet.

Ask yourself: Do I have the bandwidth for this right now, or do I need to stabilize something else first? Sometimes that means focusing on sleep, lightening your stress load, or tending to basic needs before adding more to your plate.

Energy isn’t just about feeling “tired” or “awake” — it’s about where your nervous system is sitting. If you’re already running in overdrive or stuck in shutdown, routines will be harder to start and stick with. Building in recovery time, accounting for natural energy dips, and knowing how your cycle or health impacts you can all make the difference between forcing yourself through a routine and actually feeling supported by it.

Tools & Supports

The right tools don’t replace motivation, but they can make it a whole lot easier to follow through - especially when executive functioning is running low. Think of them as prompts, shortcuts, and helpers that keep your routines visible and doable.

Planning Tools
Get things out of your head and into a form you can see. This might be a visual schedule, a time-blocking app, or a simple paper checklist. Habit tracker apps or printed trackers can make progress visible and satisfying. A quick weekly “routine review” — jotting down what’s working, what’s draining you, and what needs adjusting — can keep things on track before they start to slip.

External Prompts & Automation
Timers, alarms, or smart home devices can act like gentle nudges to start the next step. Automating repetitive tasks, like setting recurring grocery deliveries or auto-paying bills, frees up mental space for the routines you actually want to focus on.

Motivation & Reward Systems
Pairing a routine with a reward can help while you’re building the habit or reminding your body of its benefits. The long-term goal is intrinsic motivation - doing the routine because it supports you and has become part of your rhythm. But in the early stages or after a long break, external motivators can be the bridge that gets you there. That might look like treating yourself to a new audiobook after a week of consistent workouts, enjoying a favorite dessert after completing your meal prep, or saving a new episode of a show to watch once your nighttime routine is done. These aren’t bribes — they’re bridges that help get you from “I don’t want to” to “This is just part of what I do.”

Mindset for the Long Game

Routines aren’t about perfection — they’re about creating rhythms you can return to again and again. It’s easy to get caught up in doing them “right” every single day, but that pressure often makes it harder to stick with them at all.

Consistency matters more than intensity. Missing a day isn’t failure — it’s just part of being human. What counts is noticing when you’ve drifted and gently guiding yourself back, without layering on shame.

Progress often happens in small, almost invisible steps. Maybe you’re waking up 10 minutes earlier, or you’ve gotten better at prepping dinner before you’re starving, or you’ve swapped one late-night scroll for a quiet activity once or twice a week. Those shifts add up — and they’re proof that the routine is working for you, not against you.

When you approach routines as a long game, you can focus less on “getting it perfect” and more on building patterns that fit your life and feel good coming back to.

shine bright, be you 

♥︎