energy, boundaries & spoons

Before we jump into how we use Spoon Theory in our lives, we want to start by honoring where it came from — and give credit where it’s due.

The Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino to explain what it’s like to live with chronic illness — specifically Lupus in her case. You can find her full story at butyoudontlooksick.com. We highly recommend reading it in her words. It is SO powerful.

Christine uses spoons as a metaphor for daily energy. While most people can move through life without really thinking about how much effort each task takes, folks with chronic illness — and many neurodivergent and disabled people — start each day with a limited number of “spoons.” Every action costs a spoon. Showering? That’s a spoon. Socializing? Spoon. Making decisions, dealing with bright lights, switching tasks? Yup, spoons.

What really hits home is that it’s not just about having fewer spoons than other people. It’s also about living in a world that burns through our spoons faster. A world that wasn’t designed for our sensory systems, our processing styles, our pacing needs, or our ways of regulating.

Like… we’re often navigating spaces that weren’t built for our sensory systems — the lights are harsh, the sounds are overwhelming, the smells are too much. Or we’re expected to process information instantly, even if our brains need more time or a different format. The pace is go-go-go, and there’s rarely room for the kind of pauses our nervous systems actually need. 

So yeah — some days, it's not just that we have fewer spoons... it’s that we're spending them trying to survive environments that weren’t designed for us in the first place.

Imagine this: you’re attending a group dinner. From an external perspective, this seems straightforward, yet such an event might actually require multiple spoons—one for managing noise, another for small talk, another for deciding what outfit to wear, and yet another for navigating the many transitions between conversations, tasks and the split-second decisions about when to speak up, when to nod, and when to slip away to the bathroom for a breather. Recognizing this lets us be more intentional with our spoons—making space for accommodations, recovery time, and the pacing that actually works for us.

Brené Brown captures a similar concept in her "100% rule" described in Atlas of the Heart: each person acknowledges their available capacity, contributing together towards shared well-being rather than individually pretending to manage more than realistically possible. Naming these needs and limitations openly, without shame, facilitates healthier connections and mutual support.

Reframing Rest and Success

Rest has historically been stigmatized as laziness or failure, especially within productivity-focused cultures. Spoon Theory reshapes rest as essential—a fundamental component enabling consistent and meaningful engagement rather than hindering it.

Success is also being redefined. Traditionally, success might be equated with busyness, task completion, and tangible results. This perspective frequently leads to burnout.

A healthier reframing might look like:

• Listening to what your body actually needs—and letting that take priority
• Guarding your peace and making space for boundaries that stick
• Finding joy in the ordinary—and letting those moments count just as much

On this path to becoming safely divergent, the seemingly small, day-to-day reframes allow us to shift from our ingrained habits of chasing productivity to honoring what actually feels meaningful, fulfilling, and true to you.

Ultimately, Spoon Theory provides vital language and a framework to understand and respect diverse needs, granting ourselves permission to slow down, honor our limits, and reject the idea that our worth is tied to how much we get done. When our needs are understood and supported, the way we move through the world starts to feel a lot less heavy and much more sustainable.

shine bright, be you 

♥︎