coaching, therapy or both?

Have you recently heard about coaching and found yourself wondering, “Wait… how’s that different from therapy?”  You’re not alone. Even for folks who work in this space, the lines can get a little blurry. And when your needs seem to fit into more than one box—or none at all—it can be hard to know where to start.

So… what is the difference?

Here’s the simplest breakdown:

Therapy is usually about healing from the past—processing trauma, managing mental health, or making sense of patterns that are getting in your way. Therapists are licensed, trained to diagnose, and often step in when things feel too big to sort through alone.

Coaching, on the other hand, is more about the now and the next. It’s focused on goals, systems, accountability, and momentum. Coaches don’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions—but they can be incredible allies in helping you build a life that works for your brain.

That said… life isn’t a Venn diagram. It’s more like a bowl of spaghetti. There’s overlap. There’s messiness. There are seasons where you might need one, the other, or even both. And that’s especially true when you’re neurodivergent—when executive functioning, emotional regulation, sensory processing, and social dynamics don’t show up in tidy little categories.

Ethically and legally, there are important boundaries between therapy and coaching—and anyone offering support should be clear about what they do and don’t provide. But from a human standpoint? It makes total sense to feel unsure about what kind of help is the right fit.

There’s no need to sort it all out perfectly, but having a general sense of what each approach tends to focus on can make the next step feel a little less murky.

Here’s a simple way to break it down for anyone trying to figure out where to start:

Common coaching vs. therapy goals

“I need help with…”

Quick note: This isn’t a diagnostic tool—it’s just a way to start noticing where your needs might align. If you're ever unsure, a good practitioner—therapist or coach—will be upfront about what they offer and whether it's the right fit for your needs.

The gray area (where a lot of us live)

Here’s where it gets real: a lot of neurodivergent folks don’t feel fully supported by traditional therapy.

Sometimes it’s being misunderstood or flat-out not believed—like having to “prove” your neurotype just to get your therapist on the same page. Other times it’s feeling pressured to act more regulated than you actually feel, just to be taken seriously.

Even when therapy is well-intentioned, it’s often rooted in an outdated medical model that frames everything through a deficit lens. The goal can start to feel less like supporting your lived experience and more like correcting what's wrong with you.

Common frustrations neurodivergent people share about traditional therapy include:

• Feeling pathologized instead of supported
• Spending sessions explaining neurodivergence rather than receiving help
• Goals focused on “normalizing” behavior instead of honoring how your brain actually works
• Overemphasis on coping strategies without enough focus on reducing external stressors or sensory/environmental mismatch
• A “mental health first” mindset that overlooks executive functioning, sensory regulation, or burnout
• Rigid expectations around eye contact, tone of voice, or social performance
• Feeling stuck in talking about things without practical tools for day-to-day life

It’s not that therapy can’t help—it absolutely can, especially with a neurodiversity-affirming provider. But it’s no surprise that many of us live in the gray area, needing support that doesn’t fit neatly into one model or job title.

Therapy Matters—Especially When It’s the Right Fit

Emotional support isn’t a luxury—it’s something many of us never truly got in the ways we needed. Growing up in environments that didn’t recognize or support our sensory needs, communication style, or energy patterns can leave deep marks. It’s no wonder that so many neurodivergent people wrestle with heavy emotional layers: chronic self-doubt, harmful inner narratives, and the sense that something must be “wrong” with them.

Therapy—especially with someone who truly gets it—can be life-changing in those moments. Having a space to unpack your experiences, challenge internalized shame, and shift how you see yourself is essential. That kind of emotional repair lays the groundwork for everything that comes next.

But here’s the thing: even when your self-understanding starts to shift… the dishes still pile up. The calendar still overwhelms you. The plan you want to follow still gets derailed by a week of sensory overload and 14 browser tabs of unfinished thoughts.

That’s where a lot of folks get stuck. You finally start seeing yourself with compassion—but no one ever taught you how to actually build a life that works with your brain.

That’s when the internal shifts need external support—something steady, sustainable, and shaped around what works for you.

So… which one is right for you?

The truth? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. And there doesn’t need to be.

If you’re not sure where to start, it might help to ask:

• Am I trying to heal, or trying to build?
• Do I need support with how I feel—or what I do?
• Do I want emotional support, practical support, or both?
• Do I want someone trained in mental health? Or someone trained in systems, scaffolding, and function?

There’s no wrong answer here. What matters most is finding support that feels safe, respectful, and genuinely helpful for the season you’re in.

That might mean therapy.
It might mean coaching.
It might mean both.
It might shift over time.

But whatever it looks like, your needs are valid. Your pace is allowed. And support should feel like something you get to have—not something you have to earn.

Because you’re not too much. You’re not doing it wrong. And you’re not alone.

shine bright, be you 

♥︎